Each one of us has gone through some sort of disaster, some are small and others are heavy. Those times when the world seemed against us tended to break our resolve and even our social outlook. We cultivated an attitude of worldly negativity, so we would rather have eaten our own arms than participate in anything smacking of Oprah Winfrey, the New Age, or any other self-help hoo-ha. As we watched our lives disintegrate, we could have discovered two things. One: in the face of honest despair, worldly negativity is about as useful as a designer handbag in a war zone—it’s cute, but it’s not going to save your life. Two: we had no other way to cope with these traumas except to lie on the floor and think idly about killing oneself. We realized that we had to try something new before things got out of hand. But where are the optimists or at least the realists who could pat our backs and give us one hell of a revitalizing advice?Here are some simple suggestions that you could easily work with. You might snort in cynical disdain but if i tell you that these came from a woman who speaks four languages, travels constantly, and has been her own boss for years, then you might give a second look or at least a try. Well, she is, in fact, the happiest person I know. In the comparison sheet of our lives, she came out ahead on every count. Though it hurt to admit, sincerity and optimism were gaining ground.
- First easy instruction: Set aside a few minutes every couple of days to write down 13 Intentions (things I want to do, have, be).
- Second easy instruction: Write down 13 Gratitudes (things I already have and am grateful for).
Simple, yes? Well, the Intentions were easy. There were a million things that we probably wanted to do, have, or be. But the Gratitudes … now that would be another story. Our Gratitude lists could remind us of all we’d lost, all that we could no longer be grateful for. But it was good to remember the things we still had, like indoor plumbing, electricity, and the Internet. Sometimes we’d list the Internet twice, just to make it easier on ourselves.
As months passes, the Intentions become something we rush through in order to get to the Gratitudes. The Gratitudes, though harder, should intrigue us. They reveal a map of our pleasures in a time when we were sure there were none left. One day we will notice that our Gratitudes were (gasp!) expanding. In addition to the Internet and indoor plumbing, we will find that we were grateful for red flannel sheets, ripe cantaloupe, and the cute baristas at the coffee shop near our place. The more we notice these small pleasures, the more we remember to indulge ourselves in them. The more we indulge ourselves in them, the better we feel. We get rid of the cold, white, scratchy sheets we hate and buy another set of red flannel sheets. We splurge on ripe cantaloupe. We buy a coffee every morning so we can flirt with the baristas. These things may not initially sound exciting , but they will feel a lot like luxury to us later.
And that is the point. Mapping our Gratitudes is about discovering our own, very personal pleasures. It allows us to appreciate what’s already there, right in front of our faces. And once we recognize it, it’s easier to say “yes” to it more often. Saying yes to smaller pleasures gives us the courage to say yes to larger pleasures, ones we might not have noticed before tuning into this strange new station.
Mapping our Gratitudes brings us face to face with the truth of ourselves—what we really like, who we really are. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting things we think we should want; it’s harder (and more important) to know what we honestly enjoy, regardless of what our internal critics say. We spend so much of our lives mapping our discontent. We recite constant litanies of lack and need. “More money, less weight, better job, better sex, better skin …” But how often do we recite litanies of abundance and pleasure? Not often enough, apparently. There is value in knowing what doesn’t work in our lives. Our discontents tell us where to make adjustments, where things could be better. There is more than a little value in knowing what does work in our lives, especially when times get rough.
Don’t take my word for it, though. Give it a try. It’s easy. First jot down a list of Intentions (things you want to do, have, and be). State them as if they are already happening: I am out of credit card debt; I enjoy a peaceful, happy relationship with my partner; I look great and fashionable, etc. Then jot down a list of Gratitudes (things you already have and enjoy): I am grateful for my good health; I am grateful that I have the brains and leisure to do this exercise; I am grateful for the people I love; etc.
Try it at least every third day for a couple of weeks. You’ll be surprised at how things change for the better in your life. And that’s no fairy tale.
Related Sites :As months passes, the Intentions become something we rush through in order to get to the Gratitudes. The Gratitudes, though harder, should intrigue us. They reveal a map of our pleasures in a time when we were sure there were none left. One day we will notice that our Gratitudes were (gasp!) expanding. In addition to the Internet and indoor plumbing, we will find that we were grateful for red flannel sheets, ripe cantaloupe, and the cute baristas at the coffee shop near our place. The more we notice these small pleasures, the more we remember to indulge ourselves in them. The more we indulge ourselves in them, the better we feel. We get rid of the cold, white, scratchy sheets we hate and buy another set of red flannel sheets. We splurge on ripe cantaloupe. We buy a coffee every morning so we can flirt with the baristas. These things may not initially sound exciting , but they will feel a lot like luxury to us later.
And that is the point. Mapping our Gratitudes is about discovering our own, very personal pleasures. It allows us to appreciate what’s already there, right in front of our faces. And once we recognize it, it’s easier to say “yes” to it more often. Saying yes to smaller pleasures gives us the courage to say yes to larger pleasures, ones we might not have noticed before tuning into this strange new station.
Mapping our Gratitudes brings us face to face with the truth of ourselves—what we really like, who we really are. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting things we think we should want; it’s harder (and more important) to know what we honestly enjoy, regardless of what our internal critics say. We spend so much of our lives mapping our discontent. We recite constant litanies of lack and need. “More money, less weight, better job, better sex, better skin …” But how often do we recite litanies of abundance and pleasure? Not often enough, apparently. There is value in knowing what doesn’t work in our lives. Our discontents tell us where to make adjustments, where things could be better. There is more than a little value in knowing what does work in our lives, especially when times get rough.
Don’t take my word for it, though. Give it a try. It’s easy. First jot down a list of Intentions (things you want to do, have, and be). State them as if they are already happening: I am out of credit card debt; I enjoy a peaceful, happy relationship with my partner; I look great and fashionable, etc. Then jot down a list of Gratitudes (things you already have and enjoy): I am grateful for my good health; I am grateful that I have the brains and leisure to do this exercise; I am grateful for the people I love; etc.
Try it at least every third day for a couple of weeks. You’ll be surprised at how things change for the better in your life. And that’s no fairy tale.
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